Close
by Soozen
Summary: Kaoru thinks about Hikaru, Haruhi and himself


WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD AS TO THE TWIN'S SEXUALITY. But, I really don't know for sure, as I've never read the manga. But, I've read in various places that in the manga it discusses their sexuality and it's different from in the anime (or at least the anime doesn't lead on about it….).

Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

Kaoru sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the window. It was early morning; the sun was just rising. Snow had been falling for the past hour or so, maybe even earlier. Kaoru wasn't sure; he'd only been awake for an hour.

Hikaru was still asleep, curled up beneath the warm blankets. Kaoru liked the cold, which was why he was dressed only in his boxers. During the winter, Hikaru would sleep in a wife beater and sweat pants; Kaoru wore his boxers to bed year round. He loved to sit and just feel the tingling of the cold all over, and what he liked even more was to slide underneath the blankets with Hikaru beside him to get warm.

Presently, he was just sitting and thinking. Thinking about the Host Club, Hikaru and himself. He enjoyed participating in the club; Hikaru did too. It was a game to them, like everything was. It was the only way to keep things interesting, what with how the two of them liked to stay close to each other.

They had fun pretending to be romantically involved with each other; the only reason they were able to pretend so well was because they were so close. Both recognized that it was a game, and both knew exactly how far they could take it without it becoming too awkward for the two of them, which had turned out to be very far. Kaoru wondered how those girls could fawn over them and their supposed incestuous relationship; after all, wasn't incest frowned upon? Even with all their playing, Kaoru found the idea of actually sleeping with Hikaru, or even kissing him, to be revolting.

They shared their bed because they were close, and couldn't imagine being far from each other. They were always with each other, because they were twins and were best friends. There was no romance going on between them.

They were just close.

But, they weren't as close as they'd been a year or two ago. This was all due to the Host Club, and Haruhi Fujioka.

Hikaru was infatuated with Haruhi; he'd even come to recognize it now. And, Kaoru was happy for him, though it was a bittersweet form of happiness. Hikaru was finding a way to move on, to have someone else in his life…. And Kaoru was being left behind.

Kaoru tried to not let it bother him. He knew this was possibly the best thing that could happen for them. Nothing would ever change how much they cared for each other; they just needed to find others to care about, needed to learn how to really interact with others and love others and be hurt by others.

Hikaru was the first to take a step in that direction. Kaoru needed to find someone else as well, but he was finding it hard to let go.

Perhaps it was because he was scared of adding more distance between him and Hikaru.

Perhaps it was just because he hadn't found anyone yet.

Or, perhaps it was because he was gay.

Somehow, it seemed easier for Hikaru to move on because he was straight. Kaoru didn't know where this logic had come from, but it made sense to him. Hikaru could have any girl he could ever want; girls fawned over them. But Kaoru…. He hadn't come out to everyone yet. In a way, he was scared to, even though both he and Hikaru had the reputation of being homo. To come out would be taking a gigantic step, to admit that he and Hikaru weren't exactly the same.

Hikaru knew, of course. They knew everything about each other.

Kaoru looked over his shoulder. Hikaru was still in the same position, but was awake now, staring at him. Kaoru knew he was a wake before he turned around. How he knew, he wasn't sure; it was a twin thing.

"What's wrong?" Hikaru asked with concern in his voice as he sat up.

"I'm just thinking," Kaoru answered.

Hikaru touched his twin's hand, and remarked, "You're freezing."

Kaoru smiled as Hikaru sat next to him, wrapping the blanket around the two of them, as well as putting an arm around his shoulders.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Us," Kaoru said truthfully. "Haruhi."

"Are you upset that I….?"

"No." He shook his head. "I'm…happy, Hikaru."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I'm worried, I guess."

"About what?" Hikaru leaned in closer.

"Myself. If I'll ever be lucky enough to find someone, like you did. I'm worried about what seeing others will do to us. I want to be like you and find someone so we both can move on together, but at the same time, I'm scared."

Hikaru sighed, leaning his forehead against Kaoru's. Kaoru closed his eyes as Hikaru hugged him tightly. These hugs were so familiar, the only kind he ever remembered.

"Nothing will change us," Hikaru said softly. "We are each other. Nothing could ever tear us apart, Kaoru."

Kaoru nestled in closer in the embrace. Hikaru was right. They were born together, and had stayed together for sixteen years. What could ever tear them apart?

* * *

I am a writing machine! What has it been, four stories in four days?

I hope you enjoyed this; please leave constructive criticisms.


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